When You Get Triggered — It’s Never Really About the Car

What a trigger actually is

A trigger is not just a reaction to what is happening in front of you.

It is a signal — from something underneath — that is asking to be heard.

Think of it like this.

Imagine a pot of water on a stove. Most of the time, it just sits there. Calm. Steady.

But if the heat has been slowly building underneath — for hours, for days, for weeks — then even the smallest thing can bring it to a boil.

The car that cut her off? That was not the heat.

That was just the last small thing that brought what was already boiling… to the surface.

The question that changes everything

So when something triggers you — especially when the reaction feels bigger than the moment deserves — the most powerful question you can ask is not:

"Why did that person do that?"

But:

"What was already building inside me — before this moment even happened?"

Because very often, the sharpest reactions have very little to do with what is right in front of us.

They are signals. Messengers.

Telling us: something underneath needs your attention.

A gentle reminder — for next time

Next time you feel that heat rising — pause.

Just for one breath. Then another.

Instead of letting the reaction take over — and spending energy that isn't really yours to spend on this moment — turn inward.

First, calm yourself. Remind yourself, gently but honestly: This is not really about this.

Let the first wave of emotion pass. Don't fight it. Don't feed it. Just breathe through it — and let it move.

And then, when the water settles a little, ask yourself quietly:

What is this really about?

What was already building inside me — before this moment even happened?

Because the answer to that question is where the real work begins.

Not in traffic. Not with the driver who cut you off.

But inside — in the place that was already full before the car ever appeared.

That is where your energy is worth spending.